Firsts

Some firsts are great. Others, not so much. Today was the first time I've lost my son, Aidan. We were at the grocery store. The very familiar, I only turned my head for a second, was me. Aidan had told me he needed to use the restroom. He loves to explore public restrooms. Yuck! Anyway, I told him he needed to wait one minute while I checked out the meat section. Bam, he was gone. He had been running back to make faces at the butcher, so I walked down there...no Aidan. Walked around the freezer...no Aidan. PANIC! I walked toward the restroom and what seemed like 5 minutes later, out he comes of the restroom! He was so proud of himself and I was fighting the tears. Two sweet ladies were sitting in the pharmacy waiting area watching the whole thing. One came up to me and almost hugged me. I guess I looked pretty pathetic. After the lecture to Aidan, I finally took a breath. If you've ever been there, you know how awful that feeling is. Needless to say, Aidan was not allowed to let go of the cart the rest of the trip. He loves the carts with the cars. I hate them. Not anymore!

A more fun first was tonight. Aidan's first soccer game meeting. His first game is Saturday. He is number 5. It should be pretty entertaining, since they are mostly 3 year olds playing and they only blow the whistle if someone picks up the ball and runs with it. The highlight, we've been told is snacktime after the game. Oh what fun. It's pretty fun to watch him be so excited about something.

There were several reasons I chose to name my blog Passing Through. Lots of things in this life bring me to the realization that we really are just passing through this life. Just before I started this blog, my aunt died. Today is my aunt's birthday. She lived in St. Louis and I am here in California. My mom's only sister, and the only aunt I was close to. Mother's day was always a big deal in our family as we also celebrated lots of May birthdays. Two of my sisters have May birthdays. My aunt and uncle shared birthdays only days apart. Then when my cousin married, of course he married a May birthday! There were many holidays we didn't spend with my Grandma and aunt's family, but mother's day was a rare one for us to miss. Since we moved to California almost 7 years ago, I find myself homesick two times a year. Early October, when leaves should be gorgeous shades of yellow, red and orange...and May. Several years ago, when trying to conceive, May was sad for different reasons. But I have always missed the big St. Louis gathering at Mother's day. This year I will miss it, but I know it won't be the same. It will never be the same. For that I am very sad. I miss Aunt Cathy so much. She loved with everything she had. She had such a great sense of humor and always made me laugh. She had the greatest stories. That was the best part of visiting....sitting around Grandma's big dining room table and eating tons of food and sharing stories. It was fun to watch mom and Cathy sit side by side and put their hands over their mouths while laughing hysterically. They had identical hands. They had the same look on their face when they laughed. I ache for my cousins who have now lost both their parents. I ache for my mom who has lost her best friend and only sister. I ache for my Grandma who has outlived most of her family at the age of 91. I sit here and as I list my aches, I know I should be listing my blessings...I know I have a gazillion. But, for right now, I just ache. It is hard to say goodbye. Death is just something so painful and yet, we will see so much of it on this earth. God never intended for this to be it. Hallelujah for that! I really can rest in knowing I will see these people again. It doesn't make today any less painful, but on another day I can rejoice in it. I know God has a purpose for everything he does and allows to happen. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. For right now, I am trying to focus on knowing Him better on this side, so when I meet him face to face, he isn't a stranger. Hearing my aunt and uncle laugh together will just be a bonus.

Adoption Day!

What an awesome day we had yesterday! We finalized the adoption of our second son, Luke. Adoption court is always so great. It is a relaxed atmosphere and everyone is happy to be there. We were first up. We went back to the judge's chambers. He greeted us from the middle of the room. He said a few things to us and to Luke. Then he talked with Aidan about being the big brother. Then we signed the papers and it was official. We took pictures with the judge and he told us this is the best part of his job. I should hope so! We left the judge's chambers and got copies of the adoption papers. Then we were led to the table of stuffed teddy bears. We let Aidan pick one out for Luke. He chose a very soft brown bear with a bright red ribbon. Neither boy had any real idea what we were doing there, but Jim and I were thrilled. We celebrated with pancakes at the Original Pancake House. Luke stayed awake and was just giddy. Kind of how I felt. Our first adoption was a long drawn out process, so to finalize before Luke turned 6 months old was a huge relief. We spent the rest of the day relaxing at home, enjoying a day home with daddy in the middle of the week. Jim grilled steaks for dinner. They were awesome. It was a great day and would have only been better if our families had been able to join us.

Changing my blog name

I really think I need to change the name of my blog to "what am I freeing my child's body from today?" Again on Saturday my three year old, Aidan, needed my help. This time we were on our way to the local fire station for a community event. I had just parked and hear Aidan whimpering int he back seat. I look back and he has a finger deep in his nose. Mind you, this is not all that unusual, but this time I knew it was different. He had that look. I immediately knew what was wrong. Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened. He was eating some fruit snacks. Not the large character shaped ones, just plain naturally flavored small square ones. He put one in his nose. Then proceeded to try to get it out by sticking his finger in, which only shoved it up farther. He did this over a year ago and I thought he learned. At first I wasn't concerned..he is a pretty good nose blower. However after several attempts he wasn't making any progress and I saw blood. I just told him to blow as hard as he could. I seriously thought we were going to have to go into the fire station requesting help! He finally blew it out. I didn't bother asking why he did it. I knew the answer would be of the "because I'm a boy and I could" variety. Of course when we got home and I told my husband, he just shook his head and laughed. People assure me I will survive these boys, but I am not so sure.

Raising Boys

Everyday it seems that I am laughing at my son and the crazy things he does. I have three sisters and no brothers. All this boy stuff is foreign to me. Today, of course as we are trying to get ready to be out the door for a doctor's appointment, I hear Aidan yelling/crying. I come into the living room to find him laying on the floor under a rocking horse. Upon closer look, he is not under it, but his head is stuck between the front legs. I figure I just need to help him slide his head out. Wrong! The more I try, the harder he cries. I had to take the whole thing apart to get his head out. Of course a 3 year old can't tell you why he does something, but I had to ask. His reply is the usual one....I wanted to put my head in there. My husband assures me these things are normal and will continue for a long time. He just stuck his head in between the legs of the rocking horse because he could. At least there was no blood and I didn't have to call the fire department, which is what I was sure was going to happen. I'm sure the day will come. Luke is only 5 months old and once the boys are able to put their heads together I'm sure the fire department will have to be called. For now, I'm just off to reassemble the rocking horse. Maybe I shouldn't. Hmmmm

Mom stuff

Today has been a day of just fun mommy stuff. My three year old has been giving me attitude lately and so our days have been filled with time outs and discussing his disrespect. My 5 month old has not been the greatest sleeper, ever, so I'm pretty exhausted most of the time. However, today was a much needed fun day with my kids. We started off with a quiet morning of reading books while I got laundry done...way overdue. Luke napped for a solid hour and a half. This is a major feat for him! Then Aidan and I played with his puzzles. He is just amazing at them. Once Luke woke up we headed to the park. He was in a good mood in his car seat and stroller, not always the case. Aidan rode his scooter around the park while I got to walk at a faster than usual pace. I am in desperate need of some exercise, so this was fun. Aidan listened and obeyed the first time I called him each time! We ran around together and played soccer for a bit. Again, loving the little exercise I got. Not to mention it was a beautiful cool sunny day. When it was time to go, Aidan came without a single whine! yaaaaaaaay!

We did our normal lunch, read books, nap routine. I got more laundry done and talked with a friend. Luke slept for only a short while this afternoon, but at least he woke up happy and not the usual screaming. Now I am trying to do too many things...get dinner started, play candyland along with listening to Aidan read books, and finish up laundry. Luke is trying to nap again.
Aidan is looking through the book "Love You Forever". He is cracking up at the pictures. We have read this a ton of times, but not lately, so it is new again. The first thing is a mommy rocking a baby. He started singing rock a bye baby, then got to the really not so nice part of the song. He has this great look of concern where he wrinkles his eyebrows and forehead. He obviously just thought about the words about the baby falling out of the treetop. He says, "hey, the baby will fall?!" I just laughed and said it really isn't a nice son, huh? Why do we sing that to babies? Then he tells the toddler he is NOT to put watches or toothpaste in the toilet. That will be a time out. Then the teenager is making a big mess in the kitchen. He is going to have to clean that up. Then the adult man is making dinner, but Aidan thinks he is making a mess, too. It is funny to hear him repeat me and our conversations after discipline. At least I know he is listening.

Nothing profound or serious, just a day enjoying being a mom. I don't do that enough lately.

Love?

How much do I love Jesus? I've been reading through the One Year Bible in the New Living Translation. This is a translation that I've not read before. It is so refreshing to read familiar stories with new wording. This format has also been good for me in that I read an Old Testament passage along with a New Testament passage. I've always struggled with God as rewarder and punisher. He is, but when I only read the Old Testament, I forget the immense compassion he has for us. Not that he didn't have compassion on the Israelites...how many times did he provide for them and spare them? Today I was struck by the passage I read in Luke 7:47.....A person who has been forgiven little shows only little love. Jesus is talking about the "immoral" woman who annointed his feet with oil and washed them with her tears and hair. She loves him more than the Pharisee who invited Jesus for dinner because she knew the extent of her sins. The Pharisee's sins were no fewer, just less severe in his own eyes.

Is this true of me? Do I think I've been forgiven little? Growing up in a Christian home, going to Christian school, I was not a rebel. I tried to follow the rules and be a good girl. My sins are still many. I didn't have a wild life that I needed to turn around, but still needed God's forgiveness and compassion. Sometimes I wonder if I would love Him more had I come from a darker place. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful I was spared the turmoil of that pit. I just think I take God's forgiveness for granted and even that I deserve it sometimes.

Just a thought to start my day.