Firsts

Some firsts are great. Others, not so much. Today was the first time I've lost my son, Aidan. We were at the grocery store. The very familiar, I only turned my head for a second, was me. Aidan had told me he needed to use the restroom. He loves to explore public restrooms. Yuck! Anyway, I told him he needed to wait one minute while I checked out the meat section. Bam, he was gone. He had been running back to make faces at the butcher, so I walked down there...no Aidan. Walked around the freezer...no Aidan. PANIC! I walked toward the restroom and what seemed like 5 minutes later, out he comes of the restroom! He was so proud of himself and I was fighting the tears. Two sweet ladies were sitting in the pharmacy waiting area watching the whole thing. One came up to me and almost hugged me. I guess I looked pretty pathetic. After the lecture to Aidan, I finally took a breath. If you've ever been there, you know how awful that feeling is. Needless to say, Aidan was not allowed to let go of the cart the rest of the trip. He loves the carts with the cars. I hate them. Not anymore!

A more fun first was tonight. Aidan's first soccer game meeting. His first game is Saturday. He is number 5. It should be pretty entertaining, since they are mostly 3 year olds playing and they only blow the whistle if someone picks up the ball and runs with it. The highlight, we've been told is snacktime after the game. Oh what fun. It's pretty fun to watch him be so excited about something.

There were several reasons I chose to name my blog Passing Through. Lots of things in this life bring me to the realization that we really are just passing through this life. Just before I started this blog, my aunt died. Today is my aunt's birthday. She lived in St. Louis and I am here in California. My mom's only sister, and the only aunt I was close to. Mother's day was always a big deal in our family as we also celebrated lots of May birthdays. Two of my sisters have May birthdays. My aunt and uncle shared birthdays only days apart. Then when my cousin married, of course he married a May birthday! There were many holidays we didn't spend with my Grandma and aunt's family, but mother's day was a rare one for us to miss. Since we moved to California almost 7 years ago, I find myself homesick two times a year. Early October, when leaves should be gorgeous shades of yellow, red and orange...and May. Several years ago, when trying to conceive, May was sad for different reasons. But I have always missed the big St. Louis gathering at Mother's day. This year I will miss it, but I know it won't be the same. It will never be the same. For that I am very sad. I miss Aunt Cathy so much. She loved with everything she had. She had such a great sense of humor and always made me laugh. She had the greatest stories. That was the best part of visiting....sitting around Grandma's big dining room table and eating tons of food and sharing stories. It was fun to watch mom and Cathy sit side by side and put their hands over their mouths while laughing hysterically. They had identical hands. They had the same look on their face when they laughed. I ache for my cousins who have now lost both their parents. I ache for my mom who has lost her best friend and only sister. I ache for my Grandma who has outlived most of her family at the age of 91. I sit here and as I list my aches, I know I should be listing my blessings...I know I have a gazillion. But, for right now, I just ache. It is hard to say goodbye. Death is just something so painful and yet, we will see so much of it on this earth. God never intended for this to be it. Hallelujah for that! I really can rest in knowing I will see these people again. It doesn't make today any less painful, but on another day I can rejoice in it. I know God has a purpose for everything he does and allows to happen. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. For right now, I am trying to focus on knowing Him better on this side, so when I meet him face to face, he isn't a stranger. Hearing my aunt and uncle laugh together will just be a bonus.